he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me