in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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