life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass