Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.

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  (239): I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix. http://tfl.nu/krua
  Replies (17) Good night (869) Bad night (1865)
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  (585): View more from New York

  we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.

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  (585): we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things. http://tfl.nu/92xs
  Replies (43) Good night (3368) Bad night (816)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

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  (616): I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her. http://tfl.nu/z7hr
  Replies (9) Good night (6002) Bad night (928)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

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  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
  Replies (8) Good night (4781) Bad night (1336)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets

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  (785): In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets http://tfl.nu/2py4
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (2220)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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  (845): Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self http://tfl.nu/ea7y
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (1405)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

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  (780): Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off? http://tfl.nu/9svp
  Replies (3) Good night (1355) Bad night (1072)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.

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  (636): In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something. http://tfl.nu/dpws
  Replies (4) Good night (1070) Bad night (454)
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  (925): View more from California

  I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy

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  (925): I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy http://tfl.nu/28xl
  Replies (14) Good night (2040) Bad night (765)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes

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  (970): I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes http://tfl.nu/f5p7
  Replies (2) Good night (482) Bad night (716)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.

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  (918): Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday. http://tfl.nu/brhr
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (755)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off

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  (480): unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off http://tfl.nu/u622
  Replies (0) Good night (343) Bad night (534)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy

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  (303): If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy http://tfl.nu/zq1x
  Replies (7) Good night (276) Bad night (229)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom

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  (708): To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/md1a
  Replies (0) Good night (219) Bad night (304)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often

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  (513): conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often http://tfl.nu/fm0r
  Replies (1) Good night (396) Bad night (101)

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