Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time