Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize