i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon