I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.