don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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