u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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