I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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