We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
