Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
