Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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