Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
