I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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