You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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