legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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