dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
