I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up