Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
