My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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