i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
