I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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