I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
