yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
