i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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