I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
