K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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