I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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