I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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