I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
