Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
