u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
