he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
