I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
