he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
