The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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