it hurts more in the daytime
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
