Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
