I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
