it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
