fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
