Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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