It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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