WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
do nipples grow back?
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