BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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