I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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