***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
