It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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