i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
