and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
