i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
