I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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