im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
