i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
