he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
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do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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