Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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