Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
