Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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