Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
