not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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