Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
