No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
