I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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