i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
