better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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