My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
