If that was your dad, he is hot
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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