Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
