I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
