Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
