I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
