my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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