he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
