So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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