I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
