D3 body, D1 cock
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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