So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
