Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
